I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
