You're my little dorito
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
