When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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