Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
