So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Randomize
