Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
