It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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