I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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