Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
