In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
