please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
