he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
