I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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