well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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