sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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