normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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