I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
