i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
