I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
