names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
