Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
