I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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