i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
