Moan for me like Helen Keller
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
