it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
