So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
