I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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