why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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