We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
