Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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