he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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