giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
