OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
