I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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