The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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