The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
And then he peed in my hair
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