Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Michael Bay diarrhea
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
