It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
