You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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