At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My vagina just recognized that song.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
