I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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