he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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