never play flip cup with pint glasses
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
