Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
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