saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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