eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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