she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
