Taylor Swift is so right about you.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
