I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
