They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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