Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
