i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Of course I have a pirate flag
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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