No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
No...this little piggys going to the bar
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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